They're out there.
You're out there.
You've surrounded me. Even those of you who don't know you're doing it, you're there.
I explained a bit about Group before. The real accomplishment was sharing the tiny gems of stories, getting the little tidbits of wisdom out. The tiny lessons that give you coping skills and the power to change bad choices for good ones. Tonight the futility I've been feeling was understood, explained, and banished through the explanation of where I'm going, of who I'm becoming. Tidbits about myself, but about the greater of the role I'm trying to achieve for myself, tidbits about society and humanity that I'm creating. An understanding of the flailing I've been doing and why it's so intensely necessary. All of the people who have been positiveiy influencing me, you're part of what's changing around me.
I know a levee has burst. I'm not sure what it was holding back. I do know that something has washed over me and swept me away. I see me, myself, standing at the headwaters, firm and steadfast in my footing. There is no reward, there is no end, there is only my strength, my knowledge, and you - the people who are standing with me.
Too cryptic? Perhaps, but I don't have a full handle on everything that's happening yet. I know that I'm iron and resolute. I know I'm capable and willing to give my best. I know that I'm stepping to the forefront and I will not silently await my fate. I know that my creativity has been respawned into something that's useful precisely at the time when I need it. I know that for the first time in my life I'm tying together career and dreams and failed accomplishments and my morality and values into something that is...
The man I choose to be.
I told you in the title this is hard to define. Well, rather than trying to guide you step by step, let me give out one of those little tidbits I got today. A friend from twitter sent out:
Some people are just worth having in your life...
Yes. The people who influence me are worth having in my life. Even the smallest of details that make me better as a person has the greatest of value. Together we are creating a community for the betterment of humanity, so long as we can be prepared for the challenges and opportunities ahead. I've been given a gift. You are part of it.
I didn't say it was going to be easy. It will be a lot of hard work, grinding effort, dismal disappointment and soul-grinding rejection. In the end it will be worth it because I will have achieved my goal of making something better.
Now I need to go fill my potential and meet the challenge. Study time.