Attention: Morons in the service industry

So I go to Dairy Queen for a treat at the end of the day. 

I’m liking the idea of a Pina Colada Blizzard, but with bananas included..  Mmm, the very thought made me drool.  Sure, it’s a little wacky, but if I’m going for a frozen dessert treat, make mine with fruit and some of that frozen dairy-like substance.  I’ll take fruit over chocolate any day. 

“I’m sorry, we don’t make that.“ 

Huh?  Okay, she’s messed up with the request for bananas.  “Okay, just make me a pina colada blizzard.“ 

Now, the heart of the matter.  Remember the axiom, “The customer is always right?“  Well, I’m the customer.  I’m giving you money for goods or services rendered.  You do not deserve money unless you can render suitable goods or services in a timely manner.  Yes, that means you have to compete for my business.  I’m somewhat familiar with the concept, I provide services on a daily basis in order to obtain my income.  I don’t have someone just handing me a cheque every month for the heck of it. 

The secret to “The customer is always right” is to understand when the customer is actually wrong or is making an impossible request.  There are times when to actually fulfill the request will take too much time or cost too much for you to fulfill and you’re better off telling the customer that you are unwilling or unable to meet his or her request.  I don’t care how much you pay me, I ain’t installing Vista on that Pentium II in your basement.

However if the request isn’t unreasonable, and I am working on the assumption that you actually value an income here, you should generally try to meet the demand.

Perhaps if you don’t understand the request, you may wish to clarify.  A pina colada blizzard is nothing more than pineapple, coconut and that blizzardly goodness they call ice cream.  Guh.  Oh, and I’d like one with bananas in it, too, thanks.  Charge me extra, I don’t give a damn.  I want what I want.

Oh, and the absolute ultimate:  Don’t lie to a customer.  EVER.

“I’m sorry, we haven’t made banana pina-colada blizzards for at least three years.”

It’s so bloody hard to find imaginative help these days.

P.S.  DQ’s webpage sucks and is openly hostile towards browsers that aren’t named Internet Explorer.  You’d think the whole company doesn’t give a crap about my business.